It’s been a minute

I fell into a rabbit hole trying to find someone on the internet and ended up here (details omitted because I think you all would judge me). It’s been about three years since I’ve posted anything on this blog! I cringed so hard going through my old posts and saw how much I used to ramble and process on here. Not much has changed; I still internally and externally ramble and process (sorry friends), but as much as it was uncomfortable reading my old posts and judging my old self, it was also kind of sweet and interesting to see that some of the things I had been wanting then have panned out well now, and to remind myself of the things that my 22-23 year old self had been struggling with.

I know I’m doing well – mentally and emotionally – when I get creative. This shows in many ways, through photography, art, decorating, trying on different styles of fashion, and devouring different genres of movies, books and music. But it also entails writing – writing out my thoughts, typing away the intricacies of my life and observations that some may relate to.

It’s October 2021. So much has changed in my life and the world. It’s time to start writing about it again. Here goes…!

i like riding trains

ugh.

that’s when you know it’s good. That ugh feeling

on grief…

at the face of the death, we slow our pace and quiet our souls. We become like little children, quiet, wide- eyed, confused and instantly aware that the world is so much bigger and heavier than what we’d thought.

it’s times like these we realize not only the gift and fragility of life but also the gift of every individual, every living thing. Intricately hand crafted by the Creator himself. every person is an image of the Creator and his divine hands and persona. Every soul, that much more fearfully and wonderfully made. Every memory, good or bad is a piece of that person, in which the good far outweighs and erases the bad. They are celebrated for the person that they were; their unique laughs, mannerisms, presence… are all far too sweet and irreplaceable.

at the face of death, we are perplexed by His grandness, his omnipotence and his depth… that there must be a bigger picture to the end of one’s life, and that ultimately, it does not and cannot end here, what a tragedy that would be, that the end would really be the actual end. the Grief is undeniable, but I would like to hope and believe that Love- would be that much more tangible and ubiquitous than before.

at the face of death, we can only look to the one who feels the places in our own hearts that we can not articulate. Who expands himself to each of our needs… who, although we might resent for a while, will be who we face our deepest cries with, the mourning from the stomach up and deep within us… who we will undeniably rely and trust in again, solely because he is committed even when we cannot.

He will gently put a wrap behind our backs, and feel closer than before, in the face of utter despair. He will feel like our only option… he really is all we have.

To anyone out there in this time of passing, I send you my deepest condolences and love.

need to do something creative… feelin a little restless. mmmm.

YHWH

the great I Am