seoul summah 16

Sorry for the long hiatus. I hate doing that but today will be an old fashioned blog post to update what’s been going on. :] Last summer was great being back in Texas, reconnecting with old friends, interning/visiting NY and being with family. This summer was my first summer in Korea since 2013. I thought it’d be pretty whack not being able to visit home again and rotting in the Seoul humidity but needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised; it might been one of my best summers yet…!

Surprisingly, I didn’t get to spend much time with my closest friends but I met a lot of new people- inspiring, creative and talented-in-their-own-ways type of people who let me see outside my bubble and the usual. Meeting these people with their own stories and at this specific chapter in their lives was honorary for me because they confirmed and re-confirmed some of the deepest desires of my heart. I know, everything sounds pretty vague and I’m still trying to piece the pictures together. But it’s a lot clearer than before and I feel more confident about myself than I did in the beginning of the summer. One thing is for sure, I really love (and sometimes dislike, lol) people but I know that I will always be fascinated at these creatures and their minds… how they work and feel and function and the in-between why’s. Ah, mankind. You are not always kind sometimes but you have your moments. You are beautiful in your weaknesses and beautiful in your passions and unique detailing like sculpture carvings or decorative, quaint tea cups hehe.

So, Suz, who are some of these amaaaaazing people you’ve been so inspired by?

I don’t know if I can list them all for the sake of privacy and cheese- it’s weird to blog about someone you just got to know in the past two, three months. But I will try to articulate how I’ve been moved by their winds, and how they’ve been catalysts to me in the gentlest ways, during my walks home at night or in commute during the 3pm hump.

Some of these people are what society would call, ballers and some of them are just your average Joe’s. I spent a lot of time serving at a Mexican restaurant called Coreanos Kitchen because it was always my dream to waitress/ serve during college. The staff are some of the funniest and talented people I’ve ever met. They’re cooks with their own dreams in culinary or somewhere else, they’re my fellow servers with dreams in film making, design, or nursing. They’re head bosses who lead with sharp excellence and vision. In the end, they are just people- authentic in their own ways and messy, too. They are people meant for so much more by the most un-average person I know… and somehow, they inspire me to work hard, be true to myself, listen and move souls in my own way…

I also spent a good chunk of time in my summer courses where I got to meet one of the most badass professors in my pov. For the sake of privacy, I can’t disclose everything but what inspired me more than how he managed to succeed at NYU after prison, is his perspective and wisdom on life. HE IS MY YODA! He is so independent and confident in his thinking and although I disagree with some of his viewpoints, I understand his tension with this world and longing for a new one. I empathize at his distress of human injustice and how the systems and structures are not working anymore (figuratively and literally). We dream for the same things although not labeled in the same way and his yearning fuels my yearning. He also inspires me to hustle and to know that life right now is not life forever…there’s always another day but we create the better days for ourselves and society.

These are just snippets of the people I met this summer, excluding so many other people from school, work, random people you meet through connections, and surprisingly new friends from old places who have given me fresh new eyes and jargon… Maybe I’ll upload more photos but for now…❤ thank you summer 16!


The land will know too

(inspired by Adrienne Rich and Allen Ginsberg)

The clouds are heavier today
Filled with woe fear why’s where’s
I come down from my home to see
The land that used to be – mine

I came to explore the land
The words are purposes
The words are maps
I came to see the damage that was done
And the treasures that prevail

A recycled foe
Created before the Jurassic age
Infesting the land with symptoms of
Grief Hate

What is the system
That shouts justice but does not fight
What is the system
That shouts voice but does not listen

Moloch of the age
Moloch of unrest
Moloch of violation by dumpsters and easy murders in a public bathroom and club floors and airports and theaters
Twenty minutes of action
What is the system
And what is the land

But there is a roar
In blinding light that can quiet the land
Can refurbish the land and the cosmic and beyond
That can
That can
That can
New gardens
New rivers
New cities and stars
And new anthems and new words
These words are purposes
These words are maps

There will be no foe
And there will be no system
Fizzled Moloch, from the roars and the breath
From the light and the weight
Is dead
Is not a promise

The galaxies and the vastness beyond
They know of the roar and the light and the voice
They know a new anthem a new banner
a new cry a new image
And soon the land will know too
The land will know too


Just be

I’m always itching to write but I put it aside because well… life. This one is something that has been on my mind for quite a while and I am excited to share it, but I do feel hella nekkid.

Maybe this is something we learn as we grow up or maybe I’m just late to catch it and you’ve known this since you were 5, but how many times do you go home after hanging out with a group of people or a friend and feel…….. super dissatisfied? Like you didn’t say everything you wanted to or express your inmost self and just be all that you are?

Yes, some conversations and hangouts fall flat for a number of reasons: lack of chemistry, feels too forced, actually socially awkward people, ppl not in the mood, etc. But I’m talking about the ones that are somewhat organic and there’s a decent amount of trust + fun + mutual nodding going on.

I’ve definitely gone home feeling disappointed, half- filled as if I had eaten a mediocre bologna sandwich for dinner and it wasn’t until recently I started to evaluate why. Surprisingly, before I could play the blame game for the other person(s) for being such sucky people for making me feel this way, I found myself pointing back at me. And eventually, after processing through the mixed emotions, frustrations and going far as to my childhood and remembering similar occurrences, I realized that deep inside, I didn’t respect myself or my words as I thought I did.

Growing up, I would humbly say that I was a confident kid. I threw dodge balls at boys first, stood up for anyone under injustice and always raised my hand in class whether I knew the answer or not. If I was wrong, I knew I was still better than the babies who were too scared to try. But somewhere down the road, this in- your- face confidence fizzled out and shriveled up like a prune. I realized that deep inside, in the truest, inmost part of me, I didn’t value myself or my words as before. I noticed that I compromised to the dominant personality in the group, catered to the conversation they carried and smothered my true feelings because… well… I genuinely didn’t think that I had anything meaningful to say.

And I know you’re thinking, “WHAT?! YOU? But you’re like the most extraverted person I know! And you always say what’s on your mind!” And that’s true. I am like the little energizer bunny and I’m not afraid to voice out that I’m hungry or cold. But energy levels are irrelevant to true colors and being hungry or cold are just basic human senses; they don’t represent who we really are and what we like, dislike, love, etc.

The perpetrator for all this is me- the inner critic me. The evil perfectionist, ready to smash anything I create, think, feel, voice etc. Unfortunately, this me is a part of me and will always be a part of me as long as me in here on earth. But I’ve been learning to shut up this inner critic me, and believe that I am valuable… that I should respect and believe in myself because if I don’t… who will?

It’s still a process I’m trekking through and I think it’ll be for a while. But through the days, I’m committing myself to stop compromising, catering and suppressing. And although sometimes I feel like I’m in denial or just lying to myself, I’m committing myself to believe the true value that I have as a person and to be whole- heartedly me.


On being a senior

I go to college in Korea and here, the academic year starts in March and ends in December. It’s March 2016, and I’m a senior. What?

It’s been two weeks since school started and I’ve noticed the most ubiquitous and newest addition on campus- the new freshmen. Digusting. Like I gag inside because I’m repulsed by their fresh out of high school selves. You just know who the freshmen are; they look fascinated, thrilled and obviously frightened with their nice folders and whatever. They wear nice clothes while I have three repeating outfits for the week. I’m disgusted at them because while they are undeniably adorable, they are the juxtaposing, constant- reminding, living proof of my seniority, age and looming future of the realfreakinworld.

What do you mean I’m a senior? What do you mean I’m going to graduate next year and become an actual adult and pay taxes and such? What do you mean I have to take my actions seriously and start building my career path? What does this all even meaaaaannn?

Before the waves hit and I’m bombarded with adult stuff like filing for jury duty and whatever else adults do, I still have a year left as an undergrad, which I’m realizing is the best place to be on earth. You’re given a good amount of freedom while technically under parent custody, which means you’re allowed to run out of money while traveling in Europe and also allowed to take off your pants in the middle of the night and holler on top of a car that you want your ex back because well… you’re in college. You’re only 21. You’re allowed to be the inner kid that you are.

I’m a senior now, but I still feel (and sort of look) like a puny freshman. And I still get lost on my way to class and still don’t know a thing about international law contracts. But I sure as hell am a lot more sure of myself, and maybe that’s what this whole college journey is really about. Cheers to the past three years and cheers to senior year :]


This actually happened to me

Today’s mishap was one of those things you would never expect to actually happen to you. It’s the same as having a bird poop on your hair or finding out that you’re pregnant from a regrettable night, mercyyyy.

This morning, I left my house with the intention of making it just in time for class like a good student. I took the elevator because I live on the 20th floor and just as it hit 16th, the elevator stopped working. It buffered for a little bit and I heard the frustration of the machinery trying to make its way down but it couldn’t. The struggle was so real. Eeeeeerrr. EEEEEEEE. eeeeerrrrr. And slowly, everything came to a stop. The elevator system started to beep and the emergency light went on. “Wow, Am I actually stuck in an elevator? Like seriously, is this actually happening to me?”

In the midst of the loud beeping and the Korean maintenance ajusshis yelling from outside that it’s going to be okay, I just stood there, silent and thought, “How does this actually happen to someone… and why did it have to be me today? Why? And why in the middle of the day when it’s totally not dramatic or scary like in the films…….”

But as much as I was baffled at how this actually happened, I was secretly overjoyed because it happened to me. How many of us can say they were stuck in an elevator for a good ten minutes by themselves? (Don’t raise your hand so I can prove my point.) I kind of wanted to make the most out of it so I thought about singing aloud or pretending to have a seizure just to freak out the surveillance camera dude watching me. lolllllllll I also thought about how glad I was to have some water with me and fantasized if this could turn out like those thriller films. But assure you, nothing happened and my exit was pretty unimpressive. The ajusshi’s came and helped me get out. I was late to class and told my professor at the end about what happened. She wasn’t convinced but whatever, she still counted me as present and the day went on. Either way, this actually happened and I’m really glad it did. The end.



Back in late January, I went to Vietnam and fell in love with the lush greenness, constant and restless traffic of motorbikes, and the warmth of the locals in each city. If there’s one thing that stood out above the rest, it was the fact that Vietnam’s story is still being written and it’s zenith is drawing near. It’s only a matter of time until Vietnam will shine its true light and possibly outshine the rest of its neighboring countries in every meaning of light.